I’ve always wanted to write my journey as a first-time mom and the little ups and downs as I navigate the world of motherhood, but I am always left with no words. I’ve always felt incapable of even describing this path but at the same time honored to be where I am. So, this is me striving to at least give justice to God’s generosity for giving me the privilege of becoming a mother and the chance to exist with a different kind of purpose. :). Sharing with you my own reflection on my journey.
I’ve always known the word “joy” to be more profound than happiness. My years in doing missions made me understand the depth of its meaning, and now, as a mother, I have come face-to-face with its true definition.
In motherhood, I realized that “joy” is an important word and virtue that every mother should learn to nurture and embrace as we navigate this path. Motherhood is not easy, and it will never be. It requires real strength in mind, body, heart, and spirit. It asks us not just to offer our time, our efforts, and our love but it asks everything from us. It requires our whole being. They say that when you become a mother, you’ll discover a new you. I agree with this, because as for me, to embrace a new thing, you have to be willing to let go of something. In motherhood, I have to lose a part of myself to discover the new kind of person God intended me to become. It is both painful and liberating.
When I held Iggy in my arms for the first time, I knew that my life was no longer mine and that it would no longer be the same. True enough, as the weeks and months went by, my life changed in a good way; my needs shifted, my priorities realigned and ultimately, my values were emphasized. As I journeyed, I realized that motherhood is not simply about the good and happy moments. This is where joy comes in. To remain joyful in times of difficulties, loneliness, uncertainty, and emptiness is a virtue needed by every mother and parent. Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit; it means it radiates in us if we allow the Lord to take over and if we allow Him to lead us even in our roles as mothers.
When I transitioned into motherhood, I experienced the emotions and realities of every woman who also went through this season. I struggled with self-doubt about whether I was even capable of this role. Among the many difficulties I faced were insecurities, fear of the future, a sense of emptiness or being lost where you are, and loneliness, particularly when everything felt new. Like any mother, I also experienced mom guilt—guilty if I was doing something for myself. In all those times, I held to God’s affirmation that, more than our prayers, it was Him who called me and both of us to this holy task. I kept in mind that, more than anything else, motherhood is a calling, and like any calling, it is not a walk in the park. It is difficult because it is my path to sanctity. The difficulties and newness of motherhood made me hold on to joy. Joy became my friend and my go-to virtue when things don’t go as planned. It became my friend when I felt insecure about myself and my role as a mother. It became God’s way of purifying me to remain steadfast so that even in the difficulties of the present moment, I know that God will sustain me and that His generosity will continue to overflow in many ways and forms. Above all, His love, as always, abounds.
This made me remember Mama Mary on this journey. When difficulties and uncertainties arise on this new path, I go back to Mama Mary’s journey into motherhood. I tend to wonder how she’s been when she transitioned into this new role. Many times, whenever I am struggling with something, I wonder if Mama Mary will also do the same if she is in my situation. Motherhood made me feel as if we shared a different kind of bond with Mama Mary, a kind of bond that only we mothers knew. Thus, joy became even more familiar to me. Mama Mary was joyful from the very start to the very end. Joy was a virtue so visible in her life that it radiates in her words and her being. Her Magnificat was my guiding principle ever since I got married, and when I became a mother, it became a lifestyle. Because it is true, the Lord has indeed done great things for me! 🙂
My journey with joy made me discover that real joy means being at peace even amid the many things that I am not capable of understanding because I am certain that God is in control. It means being fully present where I am, not because I am not afraid of the future, but because I know my God is already there. He is both the present and the future. Joy means I am in a state of exuberance in my journey, not because I am “happy-go-lucky,” but because I am confident that I am where I am meant to be. Joy is having great faith and hope in the Lord. And I can only possess this virtue if I fully embrace my calling as a mother, like Mama Mary.
It has been 1 year and 9 months since I first glanced at our little Ignatius. One year and nine months of journeying with the Lord in this role that He has entrusted to me. The ups and downs in my journey, the lessons, letting go, changes, struggles, embracing all of it and many discoveries in between are all the joys of motherhood.
It is an honor to be a mother, and it is also a privilege to be given this role. Motherhood is my pathway to heaven. My sanctifying grace. And the virtue of joy is necessary because this gift is both a calling and a responsibility that I am meant to fulfill. May I remember this, at all times and in all circumstances.
The Magnificat
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
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