Find a friend, not just a lover.
After 2 years of being married and 1 year of being a mother to our little Ignatius, I realized many things. Though I know our marriage is still very young, I am certain that there are lessons that can be learned no matter the years.
One lesson that resounded in me was choosing the right person to marry. It is typically an important thing that we are all asked to pay attention to even before entertaining the idea of marriage. Of course, we have to choose the right person. But I would like to dig deeper into it.
They say, “The most important decision that you’ll have to make in this lifetime is choosing the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.” I agree with this. Your husband or wife can make or break you; he/she can lift you or pull you down, and ultimately, he/she will help define your values, perspectives, and dreams in life.
In my realization, having a good foundation of friendship with your partner is very crucial. Because you don’t merely look at him/her as a lover, especially on difficult days but more importantly as a friend. When things get rough, at least, you are confident that you’ll have that one friend who’ll wait for you in the rain and cry with you.
Luigi and I started as good friends before we transitioned into our courting stage. We knew each other’s life stories, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. We have seen each other’s achievements and milestones, sacrifices, silent dreams, and failures.
He saw me in the most terrifying transition of my life, from a full-time missionary to going home for good. We saw each other’s mountaintop experiences and also the lowest valleys that we walked into. And in all of these, we remain to be good friends and lovers.
When we got married our friendship flickered all the more especially when we started journeying as parents. We navigated the unknown holding each other’s hands and lifting each other’s spirits even when we knew nothing at all about where we are at. We just knew we had each other’s back no matter what.
Our relationship may not be perfect but like any friendship, we remain to be true and present to each other on sunny days and stormy nights. And of course, we laugh our hearts out when life feels difficult to comprehend. Just like the old days.
Why am I sharing this? I am hoping that as you choose the right person you find a great friend in him/her. Marriage is a partnership. It involves a lot of communication, loyalty, understanding, love, and a lot of humor.
May you find a friend, not just a lover. 
Enjoy the journey!
Journeying Beyond,
Deanne
Leave a comment